civilized ku # 951 ~ any port in a storm
Monday, May 16, 2011 at 11:27AM 
Chimay tricks • click to embiggenHere's a few tips for when you find yourself (with a number of college-girl's roommates and their parents) in a small (not much bigger than our walk-in closet at home) restaurant sitting elbow-to-elbow (literally) to everyone else in the place. Where the noise level necessitates conversations that constitute shouting matches. Where you are more than a little annoyed at waiting - standing outside - 45 minutes beyond your reservation time. Where you are also really annoyed that college-girl did not tell you that the place was BYOB and cash-only.
First thing you do is go across the street to the Belgium-themed bar and get 3 bottles of Chimay Trappist Ale - 1 each, Red Cap, Blue Cap, and White Cap (aka: Triple or Cinq Cents) - because trying to find wine is mission impossible. Of course, all the other parents have wine because their college-girl (none of whom were the recipient of the Meus Caput Capitis Est in Meus Ano award) had informed them to BYOB - they also had plenty of cash.
Next, return to the sidewalk outside of the restaurant and continue standing around. Then, after being seated in your reserved 1st grade grammar-school-butt sized chair, disentangle your elbows from your table mates, on the left and the right, and pop the cork from the Chimay of your choice. At that point, the waiter will appear with menus on which the food items are accompanied by cash prices which reminds you to tell college-girl to get her very expensively educated butt out on the street to find an ATM.
After that scene, proceed to pour yourself an ale and set about making a chair from the cap and wire thingy which holds the cork in the bottle. This activity has a number of benefits; 1) saves you from shouting-induced hoarseness in awkward attempts to make (inane) conversation - none of the parents were from Philadelphia which precluded the "How about them Phillies / Eagles / Flyers?" conversion opening gambit, 2) gives the wife several opportunities to say, "He's an artist", 3) relieves some of the boredom that sets in while having dinner with people you do not know (and who you may not wish to know if you actually conversed with, er ... make that, shouted at them), and, 4) you can never do too many dexterity-improving finger exercises.
After all of that, set about enjoying the fine ale(s) knowing that this too will pass.
Reader Comments (3)
Great peice and image to go with it, I know those feelings exactly.
Oh good, just as I was beginning to think that you were superman, I now know that at least in some ways you are like myself. In dire circumstances like this (assuming I really couldn't get out of them in the first place), I'm not at my best either! I'm so glad you managed to salvage the evening with a good image ~ you should take solace in that.
Look at the bright side... you have a great story, and you have told it well. Remember to thank your college-girl.
Just a little confused by the post tile... did you drink port or ale?