civilized ku # 168 ~ a vivid flashback
Monday, March 30, 2009 at 10:21AM 
A major award • click to embiggenLet me state right from the start that this entry is not a slam against the Papists and their particular form of education as administered - some might inflicted - by their legions of formerly black and white robed minions, aka, nuns. Both the wife and I are shining examples / products of that system.
And, if there are any doubts about my genuine affection for the following, let it be known that my mother's name was Mary, her brother's name was Joseph. Between them their off-spring were named Matthew (my cousin), Mark (me), Luke (my brother), and John (my cousin), Peter (my brother) and Paul (my cousin).
That said, on a beautiful, sunny and warm Spring day (last Saturday), my golf game was terminated after the 11th hole so that I could attend a dinner theater event. I knew nothing about it other than I was going to attend it. My dread was not about the dinner part, rather, it was about the theater part - it's no fun to have to endure an evening of bad local dinner theater.
As it turned out, the evening was a blast because it was an evening all about the joys of Late Nite Catechism. LNC is a traveling one-woman-dressed-as-a-nun show (albeit with 27 different women in various parts of the country) that is a complete on-the-road version of a long running Chicago theater play of the same name. The performance was excellent and very funny and I would highly recommend seeing it if comes to a theater (dinner or otherwise) near you.
That said, our local performance was greatly enhanced by the unwitting participation of the wife.
Sister had asked the class (aka, the audience) for an answer to the question, "Who can tell me what the Immaculate Conception is?". As was the nun's habit (ha, ha, ha,), a prize (almost always a religious object of one kind or another) for the correct answer was offered, in this case, a very small statue of the Blessed Virgin.
Up shot the wife's hand - actually one of a very few. Drawing upon years of Catholic school primary education, a near pavlovian response of award-lust and a deep seated desire for Sister's praise, she raised her hand with great vigor. She was rewarded by being selected to give the answer.
Sister asked for her name - first, middle, and confirmation names - and the wife responded with all three (Jacqueline, Marie, Teres [say Teresa without the "a"]). Sister then asked, "So, Jacqueline, Marie, Teres, did you attend Catholic school?" Whereupon the wife - totally unaware of the sinister trap that was being set - responded with a shoulder shrug and the words, "Ohhh, yeh."
About half the class laughed knowingly and the other half, immediately recognizing a gaff of major proportions, voiced variations upon the phrase, "uh, oh." Sister, of course, rubbed her hands with glee - another successful ensnarement - and picked up her ruler and, tapping it menacingly, asked, "Excuse me, missy. Is that any way to address Sister?"
The wife, recognizing her gaff, kind of shrunk a size or two, turned a little red-in-the-face, hung her head a bit, and very meekly replied. "No, Sister."
I nearly peed my pants.
What was truly amazing was the fact the wife had unwittingly become part of the act, although, it must be said, that her near rote /extremely well conditioned response had nothing to do with acting. I swear, she was immediately and quite thoroughly transported back to grammar school. Her contrite and rather meek response - BTW, something with which I am not familiar - was instantaneous and, I might say, quite "genuine". It was nothing short of amazing.
The wife was able to redeem herself by giving the correct answer although it did not conform to the exact verbal phrasing of the dogma - she had stated that the IC represented the fact that Mary was born without Original Sin (the IC was not related to the virgin birth of Christ). Sister accepted the slight verbal inaccuracy but offered the wife an award upgrade (to an even bigger statue of Mary) if she could use the word "stain" in her answer.
In another involuntary flashback, both the wife and I immediately recognized the "mistake" - of course ... how could anyone forget? - Mary was born without the stain of Original Sin upon her soul. Sister was very please and Jacqueline, Marie, Teres went to the front of the class and collected her up-sized award.
Ahhhh, the good old days.
PS - it well worth noting that the Sisters of Late Nite Catechism are not just making a living by spoofing the nuns and Catholic School. At every performance, the performance Sister stands at the exit with a donation bucket to raise money for real nuns. Over the years and all across the country, they have raised and donated over 2 million dollars to numerous religious orders.
gravitas et nugalis
Featured Comment: the wife wrote: "You forgot to add that I then received 900 ejaculations!"
Yes, Dear - I stand corrected. Sister did indeed lead the class in an ejaculation, hence the high number of ejaculations. Your time in Purgatory has been greatly reduced.
Reader Comments (4)
You forgot to add that I then received 900 ejaculations!
Just thought I'd let you know that your blog doesn't display images in Google Reader. I know there are a *lot* of people who use Google Reader to subscribe to RSS feeds (I'm one of them!), and without the images showing in a photo blog it makes for less lively reading. Here's a screenshot of what it looks like in Google Reader.
Mark - just as an FYI, I use Netvibes, but tested in Google Reader and can see the images just fine.
Hilarious!
Now we're waiting for an exposition on how this "conditioned response" affects your photography.