food ~ for thought

Carrot peelings • click to embiggenHave no doubt about it, just about everyone has to make a living and there are at least a zillion ways to hang that 'coon on a tree. That said, take the following with at least a grain of that salt.

It came to my attention in this AM's newspaper - yes, we actually subscribe to the local paper and, yes, we actually start just about every day with a read of it - that a local person, Steven Howell, who is described as "the Press Republican Montreal freelancer as well as an adjunct journalism faculty member at Plattsburgh State", has a published book - The Photographer's Guide to Montreal and Quebec City: Where to Find Perfect Shots and How to Take Them.

Well, scratch my back with a hacksaw because I don't know whether to cry or wind my watch.

I mean, I can't even imagine where I'd be, picture-making wise, if I had been privy to similar help when I was a picture-making neophyte. Although, I can deduce from the book's title that I would be a picture taker as opposed to the picture maker that I am now.

I would also most likely understand that, if want to take perfect shots, I should be following in the footsteps / plant my tripod in the tripod impressions of the those who recognize a perfect shot when they see one. Not only that, but, quite obviously, I should also follow their instructions, re: How to Take Them.

The only possible, as well as highly desired/prized, result of that M.O. would be, quite assuredly, perfect shots. Perfect shots that look exactly like the picture-taking impresario's as well as those of everyone else who followed in their footsteps.

Ugh and double-Ugh. And while you're at it, scratch my back with a hacksaw because I don't know whether to cry or wind my watch.

Now, if I were King of the picturing-making world, all How To books would start with a one-page intro titled, Open Your Fucking Eyes & Brain: Making Pictures of What YOU See. That intro would be followed by the 1st (and only) chapter titled, Chapter One: Examples, which would have 100 pages of clean, empty white paper, each with the caption "Fill In the Blank" at the bottom of the page. In the section "revised" edition the caption would be at the top of the page.

Those 100 pages would make for a nice hefty book which would add considerably to its feel-in-the-hand perceived value. Of course, in order to protect that perceived value, the book would have to be sealed in cellophane wrap so as not to give away the book's real value. Otherwise, sales might not live up to normal there's-a-how-to-sucker-born-every-minute expectations.

BTW, FYI & PURSUANT TO YESTERDAY"S ENTRY, don't be a tourist - do the hurty thing, if I were King of the picture-making world, the title of Howell's book would be - The Photographer's Guide to Montreal and Quebec City: How To Be Just A Tourist.

CAVEAT In the interest of complete and honest disclosure and under the heading of just about everyone has to make a living, it must be stated that for quite a number of years I made a big part of my living by cashing checks from the Eastman Kodak Co. for picture-making services rendered. Some of those services were, in fact, pictures made for use in Kodak's seemingly never-ending (great for making an ongoing living) series of How To books. But, operating on the premise that it's easier to get through a day without sex than it is to do so without at least a few juicy rationalizations, in those cases, I was just following orders. That is to say, Purchase Orders which spelled out what the BIG YELLOW BOX (of money) wanted from me. OK? Satisfied?